The Secret To Overcoming Being Scared To Sleep When Your Baby Sleeps And Postpartum Insomnia

Scared to Sleep

Hi, mamas:

We know.  It has been a while since we posted on our blogs. As you can see we’ve been putting together a beautiful new look! And we’ve also been doing a lot of soul searching and researching on how we can provide you with exactly the support you need. Being a new mom is tough, but it’s also fun! It’s all about the rough with the smooth.

So we’ve been working hard digging into deeper topics. And looking at keeping up on the exciting and inspiring ones as well! 

The main motivation for us in this blog is to cover topics that can really help our new moms. One of things that inspired us to start the brand is the fact that 10 to 12 (The Fourth Trimester) is not all about joy.  It can be a grind. It can be emotional. And it can be lonely.  

We want to be here for mamas as they journey through ALL the emotions of bringing a new child into the world. And we’re all about finding solutions that could turn the hard moments into joy.  

I’m a firm believer that finding solutions to problems is the best way to face challenging moments.  And every problem has a “clever solution.” That’s exactly what 10 to 12 Baby Lounge is all about. Giving you the answers, and the support, and the community, you need, when you need it. So you have people with you to enjoy the highs, the lows and the hilarious moments of being a mama! 
We love to hear what you find challenging and fun about being a mom. So if there is any topic you would like us to dive into email us HERE.  We want to hear your stories as well.

Lots of love, 
Amanda Shi Werts
10 to 12 Baby Lounge Founder  

 Founder of 10 to 12

As a new mom, you face the constant worry that something terrible is going to befall your precious bundle of joy. And you also worry you aren’t doing things the right way. This fear can become all-consuming.  On top of this, you can feel concerned you just can’t help your newborn to get enough sleep. It’s something that is so important for them when they are in the first few weeks of life. You start to analyze every other mother’s parenting skills and measure yourself against them. And the constant barrage of well-meaning advice just leads you to spiral into even more anxiety. So when it’s time for your little one to get some shuteye, not only are you anxious they won’t sleep, you’re scared to sleep when your baby sleeps. 

Too-Little Sleep Can Be Dangerous

Getting enough sleep is essential for your sanity and your safety. According to a study conducted by the University of North Carolina Highway Safety Research Center, people who sleep less than five hours per day are four to five times more likely to be involved in a sleep-related crash. But it can be a tall order to get some shut-eye when you’re a new mom. So many thoughts can build your anxiety making it impossible to relax and switch off.

Are Babies Wired Differently For Sleep?

Babies haven’t developed a “memory” in the same way as young children. According to the Handbook of Infant, Toddler, and Preschool Mental Health Assessment, they remember traumatic events through their feelings. So they associate a sensation with a traumatic experience that is repeated.
An example of this can be reflux, which can be uncomfortable and cause trouble sleeping, as well as during eating.When a baby has reflux, then eats and lays down, it hurts. This experience could lead to your baby being afraid to sleep. 
There are some clear signs if you’re baby is in discomfort: 
*Staring unblinking
*Jerking arms and legs
*Increased crying
*An exaggerated response
Once your baby’s discomfort is under control, you can believe they will just drift off into slumber. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

Sleeping babies
How To Introduce Soothing Ways To Help Your Baby Sleep

A bedtime routine can really help calm your baby. A soothing voice, calming words, and a familiar pattern to putting your child down is a way to bring calm and relaxation.

But always remember you need to be flexible to your baby’s needs. Here are some options you can use to help sleep come more easily for your bub.

*Make A Difference Between Night and Day 

Make a difference for your baby so they can sense ‘night and day.’ This is particularly helpful in the earlier months.  You can keep the room dark or dimly lit, and quiet at night. And maintain that soft light if you are attending to your baby or feeding them at night. 

You can also try and attend to them as quickly as possible at night, and give them feeds in the bedroom. If you keep these feeds as brief as possible, you can make them different from the day. 

When they reach three months old, make their naps during the day in a quiet and dark place. As your child gets older, they find it harder to sleep in places with light and noise. 

*Put Baby Down When They’re Drowsy But Awake

Try and put your baby down when they are drowsy but awake. You can help your baby become familiar with falling asleep while being in a cot. This means they will become used to sleeping in that environment. 

You can encourage self-soothing by using this method. This is when your baby can fall asleep, or go back to sleep after they wake all on their own. Or at least with little or no crying. Sounds like bliss doesn’t it?!

It’s perfectly normal for your baby to wake a lot during the night before they reach 12 months. But it doesn’t stop you from fearing there’s something wrong.

*Give Baby Time To Settle

Always try and give your baby some time to settle. If they start to grizzle, try as hard as you can not to pick them up. Most babies will do this when they are first put down. It will pass. Of course, if they start crying, then you should comfort them. 

You can try a patting technique, and gently pat them until just before they fall asleep.

Reading to your child can really help relax them. The timbre of your voice and using a gentle way of speaking to your baby can calm and comfort them. 
10 to 12 Baby Lounge uses sleep stories to encourage routine and comfort for your child. Liam The Lion is one of our most popular. Not only does he feature in a storybook, but Liam is on our cashmere blankets and baby clothes. You can let your newborn settle and snooze surrounded by your loving voice and words. And the comfort of soft organic, and breathable fabrics.
Our sleep stories are also designed to encourage you to read in a gentle and soft way to your baby. You can see more about them here


*Enlist Help For Nighttime Feedings

If you’re feeling tired, then you need to sleep as much as your baby. I was very lucky to have a night nurse, which gave me a breather. You can turn feedings over to someone else with a lot more ease if you’re bottle feeding. If you are breastfeeding, you can introduce this early on by using bottled breastmilk. Think of it as liquid gold! It can get you an extra few hours of sleep.  


*Keep Your Baby Close

As a nursing mom, you can also keep your baby close so when they wake up to feed, you hardly wake up yourself. When you’re aware your baby is waking up, then nurse them and if the baby is in a bassinet close to you, you can pop them back. You will hardly have had to move. 

DON’T  *Attempt Cry It Out Methods

This will just bring more anxiety to your child and to you. It will also make their fear and frustration even worse. It will have the opposite effect of relaxing them.

What Causes You To Be Too Scared To Sleep When Baby Sleeps?

Postpartum insomnia is a very real thing. According to a study three-quarters of women struggle with sleep deprivation during their last trimester. And this lack of restorative rest continues and intensifies in the first few weeks after giving birth.
But being too scared to sleep when your baby sleeps can lead to you being stressed, unhappy, and also missing out on some really amazing moments with your child.

 A study done by Monash University in Australia discovered parents confronted with looking after a new baby are so concerned about their welfare, many even worry if their child is going to die in their sleep.

That’s when THEY take a nap! Emotions can be a roller coaster in those first few weeks of welcoming your newborn into the world.

As well as feeling joy, love, surprise, and delight,  other times it will be the other end of the spectrum. You’ll be consumed by stress, anger, and frustration.
Being a new parent is often about learning on the job. I know I found it particularly hard because my mom was in another country and I didn’t have her there for support. Plus being a new mom rarely turns out how you expected.

Causes Of Postpartum Insomnia: What Most Parents Fear And Worry About

Of course in this brave new world you will feel anxious and worried. What are some of the main things you worry about when you’re a new parent? Here are some of the most common fears you can have. And guess what? You aren’t alone!

*Fear you do not love your baby

Both mom’s and dad’s can feel they have not bonded properly with their baby. This process can take days, weeks or even months!  So don’t beat yourself up about it. And definitely don’t let it rob you of sleep. However, if you feel very low, then you must consider you may be suffering from postpartum depression. so make sure you talk to a health professional.  

*Fear your baby is crying too much

Newborns cry. A lot. It’s perfectly normal for their crying to increase at two to three weeks. Then it peaks at six to eight weeks. Did you know that the most common time is later afternoon and early evening for them to cry? When you have a genuine reason to be concerned is if their crying sounds different. Then you should check with your doctor.  

*Fear your baby is not normal

Comparing your child with someone else is what every new parent does. It’s human nature. But every baby is different. So it stands to reason they develop at their own pace. According to statistics, around 10 to 15% of children can have a developmental delay of some sort before they get to three years. Trust your instincts and again if you have any worries talk to your pediatrician.  

*Worries over money

Having another mouth to feed, along with the weight of financially providing for a new life, is a lot of pressure. Add to this one of you, or you alone, have had to reduce your income and it’s no surprise you are losing sleep. Try and start planning for your new addition before they are born. And then budget once they’re alive.  

*Frightened you will drop the baby

There are all sorts of ways you can babyproof your home to prevent tripping or falling hazards. Look for snags on carpets and rugs. And of course, take your time if you are walking around holding your little one.

*Terror your baby will die when you’re asleep, or they’re asleep

Fear over your child choking or rolling over when their asleep is a huge concern for parents. There’s also the worry your child could get Sudden Unexpected Death In Infants.

You can minimize the risk, and place your baby on their back to sleep. Also make sure their head is uncovered and do not let them get too hot.   

*Worry you will harm the fontanelle 

This is the soft area on your child’s head after they are born. Of course, you must always hold your baby carefully and properly. But the fontanelle is pretty tough. You cannot hurt your newborn by touching or stroking the fontanelle.  


Your fears over your baby sleeping, and your newborn’s struggle to sleep, are not going to go on forever. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), says healthy babies usually settle into a routine for longer stretches at night when they are around two to three months old of five hours. However, remember, this can change according to what your family life is like. So don’t beat yourself up if you are struggling with a lack of sleep. Or your baby is struggling to sleep as well.


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